I have never been so far away from someone that used to be so close.
He was a pen pal of mine, and our friendship was formed on our shared passion for letter writing. While everyone else resorts to instant communication through smartphones or on the Internet, we prefer writing letters. We exchanged letters regularly, often weekly, and his letters were always gracefully written in his unique calligraphic font, sealed in a delicate envelope before being sent. Through his letters, I’ve learnt about his past experiences and current interests, and most of all, his wonderful mind and his opinion about different subjects, especially philosophy and literature. This lasted for six months before he went to America a few months ago. And now, there lies the Pacific Ocean and thirteen-hour jet lag between us.
However, I wasn’t fully aware of the distance initially, which would later overwhelm me. “I’ll send you a letter when I get there,” he told me before his travel. So, after he’d gone to America, checking the mailbox became a habit of mine, yet only to find the box empty every time. Disappointed for the first few times, I gradually found it not surprising, as if an empty box was what should be expected.
Disappointment was then followed by anxiety. And being anxious, I would feel insecure a lot of the time. “Is he busy meeting new friends and doesn’t bother to write to me?” The idea emerged occasionally. Then every possible tragedy like “Has he been hit by a car and hurt so badly that he’s not able to move?” stuffed my mind, and even tears would not flush away these terrible thoughts. After some time, I began to doubt myself. Perhaps the last letter I sent him wasn’t good enough. Perhaps I am so annoying that he doesn’t want to write to me anymore. Perhaps he has never really cared about me and the letters I wrote. Perhaps.
It was about two and a half months later when I finally received his letter. That day when got back home, I routinely turned the key and opened my mailbox. Already prepared to fling the door back shut, I suddenly caught a glimpse of a brown envelope with a stamp, lying peacefully in the iron box. I stared at it for a while with amazement and disbelief, yet not too excited as I’d been convinced by the illusion of our broken relationship. Then slowly, I picked it up. “I apologize for sending this letter so late, and I know it will take a while before you actually receive it,” it read. As I gazed at those words, I couldn’t but help think of the past two months. How desperate and anxious I was! “He really knew it,” I thought. As I kept on reading, I could even imagine him sitting in front of his desk, writing this letter two months ago, knowing that it would take a while before I received it. And that moment, an epiphany finally came to me: it did take two months for a plain letter to fly from America to China. Although the physical distance was always there, I’ve never really understood it.
Spoiled by instant communication and his prompt reply, I gradually forgot that physical and temporal distance would keep people that apart. But it does, and it became relatively apparent through the two-and-a-half-month “journey” of the letter. And as I’ve always wanted an immediate response, I got disappointed and insecure when not get one.
But his letter comforted me and strengthened my trust- it was the most genuine letter I’ve ever received from him, telling me not to be upset about the long distance that separates us. “True friendship always stays firm no matter how long it would take me to get your next letter,” he wrote. “I knew you’ll always be there for me, and so will I for you!” It is his letter which made me realize that I needn’t be afraid of “losing a friend”, nor should I torture myself with those negative thoughts. We just need some time to get used to the physical and temporal distance and the shift from weekly letters to quarterly letters. And after all, he’s not that far away. Letters are stronger connectors between us compared to texts, and when I read his handwritten words, I could sense him around my side, and I knew that he would be with me all the time. I believe in him, I believe in myself, and I believe true friendship will stay firm. Despite the long physical distance, we’re tied by our letters, and his letter convinced me of that.
And I came to realize, ultimately, that I have never been so close to someone who is so far away.
댓글